matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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