I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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