i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
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She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
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Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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