i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
