ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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