Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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