it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Randomize
