Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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