So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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