11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
