By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
