Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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