I wish life had little blips of pornography
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
