I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Randomize
