Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
