just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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