so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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