He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Randomize
