It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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