Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
