I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
