i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
