evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
