Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
