She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
