I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
