This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
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I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
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Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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