...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
40s are totally the cure
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
