My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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