I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
