OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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