I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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