I wish I could punch you in the face.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
