Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
