even my farts smell like vagina
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
