We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
