let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
