I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
