Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
