Your tits are I can't wait for
I puked a lego.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
