FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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