if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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