he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
