If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
