bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
