thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
