she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
