You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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