Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
