Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
