Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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