I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
