This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
