there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
