At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
