I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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