Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
