If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
