walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
