you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
