i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
