his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
