Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
