I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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