How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
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