I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
