Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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