I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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