Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
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I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
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Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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