Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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