I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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