im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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