I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
