Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
