She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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