She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
