i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
